A reflection from the retreat on “Women in Midlife: Challenges and Promises” sponsored by The Mahmudah Institute of Wellness & Mindful Living
I see it falling down down, down, down into the raging waters below. It does not fly as I had intended, but falls with a thud like a rock. For a fleeting moment it rests on the swirling currents and then with a gush it is swirled away into its depths, forever disappearing from my grasp.
I feel an intense loss! I am surprised at the feeling of emptiness, as if a significant part of me has suddenly been wrenched out and thrown into the raging river, to be washed away, erased forever.
“Throw it!” was the command given to Moses (peace be upon him) to throw away the staff on which he depended. Obedient to his Lord, he did just that.
I, too, did it voluntarily: detaching my griefs, my inadequacies, and my life-long attachments to insecurity, pain, sadness, and loss and threw them into the raging river.
Like Moses (peace be upon him), I had thrown it. Had Moses (peace be upon him) felt a loss as I did? I had no way to fathom. And yet, after he did, God endowed him with a more powerful aid than his original staff. A void was left that had to be filled… with something positive!
And that was on the agenda for the next day of the retreat. For once, there was nothing to cling to. There was an empty area in my heart. What was going to fill it was yet to be seen.
The rain had stopped and the sun was coming out. Was there going to be a rainbow in my life after this long dry spell? It was yet to be seen. There seemed no harm in looking for it though. I closed my workbook for the evening as day one of the retreat ended, looking forward to tomorrow.